Home for Sale

3 bedroom, 1 bath home for sale in Woodburn, Indiana.  Large eat-in kitchen, large master bedroom with his and hers closets.  Many, many updates.  New roof in 2004, water softener in 2006, drinking water system, all appliances stay and are only 2 years old.  Large laundry room off kitchen.  Big fenced in yard with fire ring and 24' round swimming pool new in 2010.  Newe saufet, facia, gutters in 2007.  All new interior paint in neutral colors.  Roomy 1 car garage attached.  Woodlan schools.  Email GoFish2006@gmail.com or call me for more information.  Please tell everyone you know about this lovely little house!    I'll post pictures soon.  $75.900  House is 1100 sqft

Laughing because I lived thru it....

I was at the doctor today, the OB-GYN, for my annual exam.  The weather was pretty horrible outside and, while I was there, they came around to all of the patient rooms and made us evacuate the rooms and go down in the basement and stairwells. 

So, here I am, the infertile, surrounded by pregnant ladies!  All I could think was "Leave it to me to die surrounded by preggos!"  One lady next to me had just found out she was pregnant and was looking thru her "Congrats-Your Eggs Aren't Rotten and Your Husbands Soldiers March" packet.  She and her husband were so excited and happy to pull each thing out of the bag.  "Oh look, Sweetie, a planner for each trimester," "Oh, what is this?  Looks like its a container for snacks...must be for when I can't hold anything down!"  At this point, I wasn't sure if I could hold anything down!  Ha!  I have never been so happy for someone and hated them so much at the same time! 

I don't know who that woman was but I wish her luck!  And now, I think I can say I've lived thru the worst OB appointment of my life!  See, there is a silver lining to everything!  :)

Who's kids are these?

Dustin and I are in the process of becoming foster parents in the state of Indiana.  We have attended the first required class and are now working on the MOUNTAIN of paperwork that has to be done!  I am looking forward to this next step in our lives and am praying that it is a stretching and strengthing experience for us both! 

As a couple, we seem to have collected a bunch of extra items in our house.  We moved to this small ranch from a HUGE farm house so we have two bedrooms full of extras.  One of the biggest challenges to preparing our home for a child (or hopefully two children) is that we now have to figure out where all the extra items are going.  We have looked into a storage unit (expensive and items often come our worse for wear) and have asked various family membors to keep some of the items (couch, dinning room chairs, etc.)  We will figure it out, Im sure.  But for now, it's a challenge weighing on our hearts. 

Once we have those two bedrooms empty, we get to turn around and fill them up again.  This is the part that makes me ANGRY!  I know I shouldn't feel this way, which brings on the guilt, but I really do and Im not going to lie about it.  If I had a normal reproductive system, and were pregnant with a child, my friends and family would host a baby shower for the baby.  They would provide us with some of the items that are necessary for raising a small child in the home.  BUT, because I cannot have children, and instead am opening my home to other children who need help, I will have to go out and purchase these items myself. 

This makes me angry/sad because we cannot afford brand new items and so will be begging everyone we know that has children to borrow or sell their items they do not need any longer.  It saddens me to think that these kids will not get the nice new items that other children would get.  I'm sad that I cannot provide that for them like I could for my own child.  However, I know that many used items are still in good condition and we will SINCERELY THANK anyone who has items to spare for us!  We have to have our entire home kitted out ready for children before our homestudy.  If anyone has items to sell (or lend) or know of someone who does....or even of good garage sales coming up, please let me know!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I can't end on a low note so I will leave you with this silly picture just to make you smile! 

THE END!

Now, how can you look at those two goofy heineys and now smile!?!

Birthday camping

Last week I celebrated my 31st birthday.  This was a hard time for me...I had always wanted to be done having children by 30 so the fact that I was turning 31 with no kids in site was a bit disheartening.  However, my husband knows how much I love the great outdoors so he took me on a camping trip with some of our friends as part of my gift.  We had a great (and chilly) time!  We enjoy spending time with our friends, and all of their kids too!


We camped at Yogi Bears Jellystone Park.  Aren't these kids all so darn cute!?!



Dustin and his buddy Caleb

On your mark....get set....GO!

Boo Boo has never seen such babes before!  Ha!

All in all, a HaPpY BiRtHdAy for me!  I cant wait for the next camping trip!

Georgia on my mind

I love the mountains!  Recently Dustin and I took a trip to the Blue Ridge mountains in Georgia with our friends Dave and Annette.  We had a wonderful time in some of the prettiest settings!  I loved it!  I didn't want to come home!  It is my goal to someday live in a place that is beautiful in different ways than Indiana is beautiful.  For now, I will settle for pretty pictures and great memories.

Our cabin

Our cabin, on the left, was WAY up on top of the mountian.  To get there required a death defying drive!

The view from our front porch

Sunset

The mountains at sunrise

sunset

Annette and I hiked almost 3 MOUNTAIN miles to see these two waterfalls

Found this on a hike one day

Hope you enjoyed the pics from my vacation as much as I did!  Happy Thursday, all!

A Doxie Dilemma

For those of you who don't know, my children have 4 legs.  I have two doxie dogs and a cat (whom my husband will love me twice as much for if I find her a new home.  Any takers?) 

The culprit in todays story.  How can I be mad at a face like this?!

Schotzi and Autobahn

Last night, my "kid" woke me up at 2:30 AM.  Our dogs sleep with us and usually go right to the foot of the bed and sleep like rocks all night long.  Burglar alarms, they are NOT! 


Last night was an exception!


I woke up to Autobahn tossing and turning!  He was grunting and snorting, rolling around so much that it woke me up out of a sound sleep!  In the dark, I put my hand down to comfort him.....and.....
couldn't find him!


I felt around..............
and around............
and finally found his nose.  What the heck!?! 


I jumped up, turned on the light.............
and my goofy dog had ripped a hole in the comforter JUST big enough to wiggle his long skinny body into, went inside of it to sleep, and was now stuck INSIDE my comforter!  All that was sticking out was his cold little nose as he tossed and turned trying to get free!

I wish I would have thought to take a picture but I was laughing too hard!  Other than the fact that my comforter now needs a tailor, it was HILARIOUS!!  Who needs kids when you have dogs!?! 


***Please also make note that, just like when you have children, my hubby slept thru the WHOLE THING!  The noise, the bedside light, the overhead light when I couldn't see enough to get the dog out....He was sawing logs the ENTIRE time!****

Things that make me smile:

Things that make me smile:

                                FALL IS COMING!  FALL IS COMING! 
                              I LOVE IT!  I LOVE IT!

A new outlook in New Orleans

Well, needless to say, this past week has been a hard one.  I feel like my world has shattered.  Being told that we will never have our own children (other than an act of God)  was really hard to hear, to digest, to internalize.  My heart is broken in a way that many of you will never be able to understand.  I can't even put it into words.

BUT, God is great!  He knew my heart would be hurting!  He knew my friend Cassie would need a friend to ride with her to New Orleans as she moved there for schooling (Grad school at Tulane).  So, my heart was broke on Monday, and on Thursday I was headed on a road trip.  It was a great trip! 

We stopped overnight in Nashville, Tennessee the first night.  Then headed on to New Orleans, Louisiana.  The air in Minnie Pearl (Cassie's car) quit working in Alabama so we rode the rest of the way drenched in sweat.  We got a good laugh out of it though. 

Our backs were drenched in sweat!

We moved Cassie into her new apartment in the pouring rain on Saturday morning. 

                                                                WE ARE DRENCHED!

We then spent the rest of the day wandering the french quarter, enjoying cafe au lait and beignets at Cafe Du Monde, and touring Bourbon Street.  We then headed uptown to Jaques-Imos for what is said to be the best Cajun food in New Orleans.  The wait there was 2 hours.  While we were waiting outside a crowd was gathering.  We started to notice that many of them were in costume.  WHY?  We had stumbled on to Mid Summer Mardi Gras!!!  We ended up sticking around to watch the parade! 

I have many more pictures but most of them aren't appropriate!  It was a great show though!

Anyhow, after a great trip I am home and back to work (more on THAT subject but I will tell you in person.) 

D and I are starting the classes to become a foster home in October.  I take the first "class" next Thursday.  This will be a big change for us.  We will need to purchase all of the things that one would usually receive at a baby shower ourselves so if any of you know of places to get good deals or know of someone who is looking to sell baby clothes, furniture, etc for cheap please let me know.

Yes, I am willing to open my home to foster children.  But the thought still bothers me that while I may have a child thru fostering or adopting, I will never feel a baby kick inside of me.  I will never get to see my child on the ultrasound screen or hear its heartbeat.  I will never get to have a baby shower or have the excitement of meeting my child for the first time.  I know God has another plan for me, and I accept that, but it doesn't make it any easier in reality.  I know that this will pass and someday I will look back at my situation and know that things turned out exactly as they should have.  Until then, I'll just keep focusing on Him!

The good news is....

The good news is that when we are in Georgia next month, I will be able to sit in the hot tub.  The good news is that I can go on a diet and focus on health and not fear that it is for nothing (who wants to lose all that weight to gain it back with pregnancy!?!  The good news is that this is God's will and we now have a final answer.  The good news is that there are children out there who need a home and we are willing to give them that.  The good news is that tomorrow is a new day and this too shall pass.  The good news is that I am a strong, capable woman and I will be okay! 

The bad news is that history repeats itself:  8 eggs, a million sperm, and no fertilization! 

Time for a new dream....

Boomerangs (to Indy and back!)

Well, my eggs are now (hopefully) "baking" away in a petrie dish.  We left our house this morning at 5 AM to head to Carmel, Indiana where the doctors office is for my egg retrieval surgery.  Our good friends, Paul and Carey, went with us and made the two hour drive each way seem like only minutes.  Their stories had us laughing and relaxed the entire time.  I am so glad they asked if they could come with us....it definitely helped us keep our minds off the situation.  Dustin also appreciated having someone to sit with while I was in surgery.  Once he does his "collection" contribution to the day, there is not much for him to do but wait around for me so it was nice for him to have friends there.

Dave, Annette, Paul, Carey

Paul and Carey

They were able to get 10 eggs from me this morning.  I'm not sure how many were mature enough to be used yet; they will tell me that tomorrow when they call me with the fertilization report.  I'm just praying there IS a fertilization report:  last time not a single one of my 13 eggs fertilized!

It's been hard to not feel pressure about this process:  we have pretty much decided we are done trying in the baby field after this.  The money factor is insane (we could of had a nice fat down payment on our house in Alaska with the money we've spent attempting to make a baby!) and the process is exhausting!  Trying to work it around my work schedule is completely disheartening and frustrating too; possibly the worst part of all of it!  I sometimes wonder if I didn't work such a stressful job if we would have these issues ttc.  We are considering taking classes to become foster parents and possibly fostering with the intent to adopt.  It's sad to think about the fact that if this does not work, I will quite possibly never carry my own child.  On the other hand, its comforting to know that we have a back up plan.  All in all, its in God's hands.  I'm praying that I will be able to accept his will.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of me (one pre and one post surgery) to brighten your day!  I'm not exactly photogenic!

UpDaTe

It looks like we will going to Indy on Sunday for egg retrival.  I go back to the doc tomorrow for a final HCG level draw and, as long as the levels are high enough, we will head to Indianapolis at 5 AM Sunday morning.  Ill try to keep you updated!

Egg Update

Well, Doc called this afternoon and said to continue on my meds for another day.  I have another appointment tomorrow morning for another blood draw and ultrasound for what will hopefully be the last look at my innerds before heading to Indy on Sunday for egg retrieval surgery.  Of course, this will all depend on how my labs and eggs look tomorrow. 

Good friends of ours, Paul and Carey, have offered to go to Indy with us on Sunday.  D is very excited about this:  he wont have to sit in the waiting room alone now!  Im also thankful for the moral support and the company!!

Keep praying!  We sure are!

A Dozen Eggs to Hatch

I went to the doctor yesterday for blood work and an ultrasound.  My labs came back good and the ultrasound showed 12 eggs "baking" in there!  I go back today for another round of the same.  The doctor said he expects me to go to Indy either Saturday or Sunday of this weekend for my egg retrieval.  I have been having horrible headaches, which the nurse informed me is a side effect of the drugs Im on.  I keep telling myself "a week from now your headache will be gone...just stick it out!"  I was scheduled to work on Saturday but a gal I work with occasionally, Jill, has volunteered to cover my shift if I need to go to Indy.  God takes care of it all, doesn't he?  Even the little details! 

Please, please be in prayer that they eggs and sperm react this time.  I've been on different drugs in hopes that we will receive a different outcome....Im praying that this works! 

Camping

We spent this past weekend camping at Gordon's campground in South Milford, IN.  We were camping with a group from our church, and had a fantastic time!

We borrowed a pop up from a friend (we usually just tent camp) and LOVED having AC at night to sleep!  We don't even have AC in our house so this was a real treat!  Being menopausal and hormonal with no AC has been fun, believe me!!!

Dennis and Lori spoiled us the entire weekend by preparing the majority of the food!  Dennis is making us biscuits and gravy over the fire here for breakfast.  He is also the ultimate pudgie pie maker! 

Cassie's idea of camping:  hanging out in the air conditioned 5th wheel camper and shopping online!

Good morning, Cindy!  Waiting patiently for breakfast while sipping her coffee!

Curt and Jenny

I wish I took more pictures.  Cindy took a ton and they are posted on facebook if you want to see more. 

The men, Carey, and I entered in a horseshoe contest while we were there.  I was TERRIBLE but it was fun!  Paul, Dennis, and Curt all won over the weekend.  Swimming, food, and laughter completed the weekend!   Good times!  I'm looking forward to the next camping trip we have planned in October.  Maybe it will be baby's first camping trip...

Ready and Rearin' to GO!

I had a doc appt this morning for the start of my IVF cycle.  They did an ultrasound, drew blood, and went over the consents with Dustin and I (again!).  The nurse gave us instructions on how to administer the meds...the ones that are to be given IM made Dustin blanch a bit!  Luckily, the nurse who works at Dr Bopps office lives not 5 minutes from us and she said she is willing to give me the shots if Dustin cant.  D says he can give shots to cows and pigs with no problem but giving them to his wife is a whole different story.  We will see how that all pans out....

I start my "Egg makin" meds on Friday (the 13th.  Im going with lucky 13!) and go back to the doc next weds.  Ill keep you posted.

On another note, I told the nurse this morning that I had weighed myself and had put on 10 lbs in the past two weeks.  She said that is normal with Lupron and that the swelling, hot flashes, exhaustion, and weight gain are all normal for "that nasty, nasty drug!"  Her exact words!  I cant afford to keep gaining like this....but at least I know its not just cuz Im a huge pig!  Ha!

Cheers!

Weekend Update

Something has happened that I never thought would occur.....ever!  I joined Dustin in a fishing tournament today!  Today was the leagues first ever Buck and Doe tournament (meaning that each angler was expected to bring a spouse, girlfriend, or child along with them for the tournament). 

I approached this tournament with nerves:  As a girl, I was really worried about important things such as what do I wear?  Do I do my hair?  Do I wear makeup?  Where will I pee?  I  worried that the other wives would be totally in to fishing, decked out completely in Bass Pro Shops gear from the visor to the fishing vest to the clogs...and would wonder who the Tinkerbell was that Dustin brought with him.  In case you are wondering, I did my makeup but didn't spend a ton of time on my hair, I wore shorts and a tank top over my bathing suit, and I held it ALL DAY LONG because I REFUSE to use a portajohn!

We were on the water around 8 (they usually start at 6 but shortened the hours in respect for the ladies!) and this is how I welcomed my day:

BEAUTIFUL! 

I really thought I would not like fishing for that long of a time but I stuck it out most of the 5 hours and had a blast.  I only caught one fish and he was pretty little.  I named him Little John and back in the water he went.  Dustin caught quite a few fish but only one that was a keeper.  The fish have to be a minimum of 14 inches.  His one keeper was 15 and weighed 1.5 pounds.  Our neighbor Phil and his wife Lisa won the tourney with 7.75 lbs total.  Congrats to them!

I didn't get a picture of me holding my fish....I was scared to hold him.  I didn't want to hurt Little John.  I did pet him before he went back in the water though.  I'm sure we will meet again next summer! 

We did not win the tournament but I DID win a door prize, which was a gift card to Kohl's.  I was happy with that!

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Menopause.....stinks!

The last time I was on Lupron, I did not really have any side effects other than moodiness.  This time its been a whole different ball game.  I have been so sick!  Aching muscles, exhausted, diarrhea, swelling, swelling sweating, swelling, and HOT FLASHES!!!  You name it, I have it!  I wake up at night and my hair is just DRENCHED from sweat!  This is not an exaggeration.  This has been an interesting week!  But it will all be over soon....hopefully with a good end result!

My great aunt Minnie died today.  She was 100 years old.  Dustin and I will be going to her funeral in Bluffton on Sunday.  We were supposed to be hosting the youth group here Sunday night for a swimming party but are going to have to cancel.  We will not be back from Bluffton in time. 

Another week is almost over....boy how time flies!

Music and Laughter

Music and laughter:  what more could I ask for!?!  We went over to our good friends house last night for pizza and a time of prayer and worship.  Todd and Lori played their guitars while the rest of us sang praises to the God we worship.  It was nice and uplifting night....and one I needed after working 2 12 hour days in a row and knowing I another tomorrow.  The evening left us with a warm feeling in our hearts....we have great friends and an even GREATER God.

I have not noticed side effects from the drugs this time other than the fact that I now have cankles.  Now that I know how to post pics, I could put one on here but believe me, its ugly!  I woke up Saturday morning with super swollen ankles, face, etc...  Even my fingers looked like sausages.  I've been drinking water like crazy to try to flush the fluid out and avoiding salt where I can.  Other than that, I have been super exhausted but that could mostly be from stress, work, church and extra activities...it might not have anything to do with the drugs.  :)  I was in bed the last two evenings by 8:15.

We have church this morning where a missionary from France is giving the service.  He is Annettes dad and I cant wait to meet him.  After church, I will come home to rest while Dustin goes fishing.  In the evening we have friends coming over to hang out for a bit.  A fun weekend in all!  I hope you are enjoying yours as well!

Pictures!

My fridge full! 

The total gamut of meds for this IVF cycle

Put 'er right there in the left cheek, please...

You should have seen Dustins eyes as he asked "does the whole thing have to go in?"

After rearranging, they all fit nicely in the crisper drawer!

***Sorry this is so goofy looking...Im just today figuring out how to post pictures!

No room for groceries...

We need to get groceries.  The problem is, after putting all of my meds in the fridge, there is not any room left for food!  I wish I knew how to post pictures in my blogs, I would take a picture and show you.  The Doctor changed many of the drugs I am using this IVF cycle in hopes that with different drugs, I would receive different results than the last miserably failed IVF cycle.

Many of the drugs are now given thru IM injections, rather than sub q ones.  What this means, other than the fact that the meds take up much more room in the fridge, is that I now get to bare my heiney to multiple people daily.  Dustin is terrified to give me shots, and seeing how I am not flexible enough to shoot myself in my own tookus, I had to recruit others to do so for me.  So, I never in my life thought I would be baring my tush at work for my co-workers but.....I AM!  The things one is willing to do in the name of hope!

Last time I took pictures of the bruises on my stomach from all the shots....maybe Ill get one of my tush too!  Maybe Ill even figure out how to post them!  Ha!

Day One

Its starting.  Its 8 PM and I just gave myself my first injection in the IVF cycle.  This drug they have started me on, Lupron, will put my body into menopause so that I do not release the eggs that I make next month. I will take this drug nightly, along with my prenatal vitamin, my birth control pill (so that I actually get a period!) and a low dose aspirin.

 I'm excited to start actively pursuing a child again....it seems like we took a long time off from actively doing something.  We took many months to recoup, think, pray, discuss, pray, pray, pray about what our next step should be.  It feels good to actually do it now.  I know that the next few weeks will feel like they drag by since I am excited.  I'm working some different hours, and more hours than in the past few weeks, so the time should pass quickly.  Wish us a luck and send a prayer above for us, please.

Close call!

Many people gripe and complain about insurance companies, and sometimes I can understand why.  But let me tell you why I am L-O-V-I-N-G my insurance company right now:


Some of you may remember the last minute issue I had in January for the pre-authorization on my IVF procedure.  For those of you who are not aware of what I am talking of, let me fill you in.  We were all set to attempt our first round of IVF for Feb of this year.  I had faxed the pre authorization form to my Doctors office for them to fill out and then send on to Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Massachusetts. 

The time drew near for me to start on the Lupron (the first steps/meds taken in an IVF cycle) and I still had not received my approval from the insurance company.  I finally called them and was told that they had never received a pre auth request from my doctors office.  The docs office then claimed they had never received it from me when I faxed it (though I DID have the fax confirmation that I had received saying it went thru to them).  The Docs office scrambled, the insurance company scrambled, and at the last minute, I received the OK to go ahead with the procedure. 


Fast forward to July of this year:  the EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED!  I faxed the pre auth form to the docs office.  Only this time, I got smart and called to confirm that they had received it.  They had and said they would fill it out and fax it to BC/BS of Mass right away.  Weeks go by.  No word from the ins. company.  I'm starting my cycle.  I should be starting on the Lupron in the next 10-15 days.  Still no word.  I called the insurance company to see what the status is on my request.  Surprise, surprise!  They never received a request from my doctors office!  Now I'm furious!  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me!  I'm looking on the Internet to find a new fertility clinic.  Lucky for my Doctor, there aren't any closer to us than Indy other than him.  Guess I'm stuck with his incompetent staff!  So, I call the docs office back.  Again, they insist they never got the fax I sent....which I point out is funny since they confirmed they got it the day I sent it, and, bummer for them, I wrote down the day, time, and person I talked to so now they cant worm out of it!  SO....I'm not sure what they did on their end:  beg, grovel, bribe, threaten?!?!  but some how they got the approval from my insurance company in 24 hours!  Unheard of!  A record!  It usually takes 6 to 8 weeks! 


So....we are back on track for IVF the end of August. 


That being said, I have complete trust in my Doctor, but obviously not in his staff any longer!  When I called them to see why my insurance company didn't receive the request, they hem hawed around about it, tried to blame it on me, and made a myriad of excuses before finally accepting that it MIGHT be their fault.  AGAIN.  I love Dr. Bopp, and he has been good to us for years now.  But I do think if this IVF doesn't work, and we continue to seek treatment, I may look into a new fertility clinic.  I cannot handle bad customer service, nor can I handle a company CONSISTENTLY loosing my personal information time and again!  Who knows where it went!!!


On the plus side, KUDOS for Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Mass for pulling thru not once but twice!  Please take note that the Massachusetts part of that company is very important.  I only have infertility coverage because my company's US headquarters are in Mass, and Mass is one of a few states that requires infertility coverage!  See, the liberals are good for one thing, at least! 


Alls well that ends well, right!?!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

What is your favorite children's book?  Which book holds the best memories for you as a child?  Are they one and the same?  Or two different books?  Those of you who know me know how much I love to read pretty much anything I can get my hands on.  So, I've been thinking about children's books today.

A friend of mine and I are hosting a baby shower this evening.  (Yes, I know, ME hosting a BABY SHOWER?!  Ironic, isn't it!?!  It actually isn't bothering me...shes a great gal and I've never felt like she has rubbed her pregnancy in my wounds.  Its actually been kind of fun.)  Part of the invite included wording for those who are coming to bring a children's book, rather than a card.  So, I've been debating which child's book I should take.  I had so many favorites....which to choose?  "Are You My Mother?"  "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"  "The Velveteen Rabbit" "Amelia Bedelia" "The Bernstein Bears"  I could go on...

I thought I had settled on Cloudy With a  Chance of Meatballs.  I even bought it.  But then found out yesterday someone else also got Oliver (that's the baby's name) that book so now I have a book for if I ever have kids. So....I had a list of things to get done this morning before heading to the church to set up for the shower.  My hubby spent the morning fishing so I called and asked him to stop on his way home and pick me up a new book to save me the time of running to the store.  He came home with two books:  Curious George (which I LOVED as a kid!!!) from me.......and a WWF wrestling book about the Undertaker from him!  FUNNY!  The babies Dad will love it! 

That brings me back to my original question:  What was your favorite book as a child? 

We had a great 4th here.  We had a cookout and invited anyone who wanted to join us.  The pool was a big hit with the kids.  Corn hole and ladderball for the adults!  Thanks to all who came.  We really enjoyed having you here to celebrate the day with us!

Sunny days, chasing the clouds away...

So the weeks seem to be flying by this summer.  We've got so much going on, I can't seem to keep my days straight.  Case in point:

A friend of ours asked yesterday "what are you doing for Big D's birthday?" 

My answer;  "when is it?" 

Our church puts out a monthly calender that includes all birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, etc on it.  Its a good thing they do, too, because it had completely slipped my mind that my husbands birthday is NEXT WEEK!  Yikes! 

So, I suggested having people over either this Sunday or next for swimming, a cookout, a campfire, and cake and ice cream.  Dustin gave the idea the O.K., with the exception of the cake and ice cream (he doesn't want me to do anything special for his birthday with a group....just the two of us!)  So....if you are free this Sunday, feel free to come over!  Bring your swimming suits, a lawn chair, and a smile!  We'd love to have you join us!

On another note, I woke up this morning to my laundry room flooded for the third time in two weeks!  The first time was frustrating, the second was kind of comical....this third time, its just getting absurd! 

I called my brother, Tyler, and he came over and worked on it for a bit.  He needs to do some torching to it so is stopping by tonight to finish fixing it after he gets the torch. In the meantime, Dave brought over his dehumidifier, which I'm running in there to suck up all the moisture that is now in the walls, under the washer/dryer, etc.  All in all, a pretty funny story!  Guess God felt it was time for me to scrub the floors in there.....more than once!  Ha!

I hope you are all having a great week!

Sunny with a chance of....

Dustin and I just returned from a much needed 4 days off of life!  We went to the Maibach cabin in Michigan and spent a 4 days relaxing!  Dustin fished pretty much non-stop for 4 days.  I went with him a few times...and caught my first fish ever!  Of course I wouldnt touch it so I swung it around on the pole and smacked D in the back of the head with it!  "Take it off, take it off" Im yelling to him!  Im the only person I know who goes fishing but crys when they actually catch a fish because Im worried the hook is hurting it! 

Some friends of ours joined us for 2 of the days and we had a good time with them.  They brought their almost 2 year old son with them, and we werent too sure how that was going to work, but he did really well!  It was fun to watch him "discover" all the new things!  He even go to go on his first boat ride, and his first tubing ride there!  He makes the cutest expresssions and it was a blast to watch him!

We are back to work now....back to the daily grind feeling a little bit more rested!  :)

Mothers day...how you mock me!

Is it wrong to say that in some ways, I HATE MOTHERS DAY and Fathers day!?!  I really dont...but it sure is a cruel day for some, isn't it?  Those who are infertile, those who have lost children, those who are estranged from a child, those whose children are POW's or even MIA.....its a sad day for many!  I think most people get so wrapped up in the "joy" of the day and forget to acknowledge the pain that Mothers day (or Fathers Day) may mean for many!  Sorry....I'm not trying to be negative or up on my soapbox...was just thinking about this the other day.

Mothers day this year was not as hard for me as others have been.  I am honestly getting to the point where Im just tired of it all.  I truly feel that whatever happens with this IVF cycle is meant to be.  And, today, Im okay with that.  Now, ask me 6 months from now and I may have changed my mind.  There is something about summer and the promise of travel and being outside doing all the things I love that makes me okay with never being a Mom.  I know I would have to give those things up and honestly, its a hard thought.  It would be hard to kayak with a kid!  Ha!
I also think Moms day wasnt as hard this year because Dustin and I discussed it prior and decided to ignore it, so to speak.  We slept in Sunday morning (no church for me where they hand out roses to the Moms) and then spent the morning together talking and drinking coffee.  Then Dave and Annette came over and we went to lunch and to the movies.  Actually, Annette and I went to the movies and the men went kayak shopping.  We all met back at our house for mojitos and dinner on the grill.

Our plans for Fathers Day are much of the same:  staying home and working around the house.

The one bummer of Mothers day this year is that I did not get to talk to my mom or my step mom at all.  I hope they knew I was thinking of them.

Names....

I just read my cousin Sarah's blog.  She is asking for guesses as to what sex her child (to be born SOON!)  is going to be.  She knows what sex it is....I think she just gets a kick out of hearing all of our opinions and our reasoning to back them up!  Too funny... Im sure she and Klint are getting a great laugh at all of our musings!

Her question made me start to think about baby names.  Since it seems like Dustin and I are never going to have a child, I thought I would share some of the names that have made our "maybe someday" list.  Feel free to use one of them in the future for your children....if you dare!  :)

Boy Names: 
Torque
Hatch
Breaux (my fave!)
Declan (the name we would most likely use)
Broghan
Danson (though Dustin claims Danson Donovan sounds like a really fruity mans name!)
Cletus....not really...just thought Id throw that in for a laugh.
Grayer
Stone
Steel
Lincoln
Phinn
Darian
Truth
Brooks

Girl Names:
Austin
Broghan
DaVeigh (pronounced Davey)
Brandon
Aria
Damarrah
Brekyn
Grey
Merritt
Stone
Dallas
Derikah
Derrin
Ardyn
Dyllan

Now you see why we dont have kids:  God is saving them from being tortured by us from day one with a weird name!

Rain, Rain go away!

Is anyone else tired of the rain?!  It seems like it rains every day...or at least every other!  WOW!  On the plus side, Dustin and I were sitting in the living room last night in the dark (because our power was once again out) when Dustin noticed a beautiful rainbow outside.  It was really cool!  The sky was dark and stormy but there was a very vivid rainbow!  Amazing, awe inspiring, awesome! 

Other than the rain, it feels like not much new has been happening here in the Donovan household.  We have a bunch of graduation parties to attend this weekend, and a hit a few last weekend too.  We are packing to leave to go to the Maibach cabin in Michigan next week for some time away together.  I think that will be fun!  We have a few friends going with us so it should be a good time.  Its nice to have the cabin to go to for an inexpensive getaway! 

On the babymaking front, we still dont know what we are doing.  I really feel torn between decisions!  I strongly feel like the embryos we adopted were meant to be for us.  But we cannot afford to do it.  Because my insurance wont cover the procedure, we need to pay the fees upfront.  Its not that expensive (if you think 6 grand is cheap) but we just do not have that kind of money to put down!  The other option is to sell back the embryos, use that money towards IVF and hope that it works this time.  We have 3 more weeks until we need to know what we are doing for sure!  I keep praying for a sign.  Im not very perceptive and I know God knows this:  Im begging to wake up some morning and have the words spraypainted on my living room wall!  ha!  I really thought I knew when we adopted the embryos and I still feel lead in that direction....but the cost of it is impossible!  So, Im not sure what to do.  If we go the IVF route, it will only cost us about 2 thousand since 80% of it would be covered by insurance!

 Dustin says he is okay with either of the two routes....but only those two options!  The doctor is really pushing for us to use a sperm donor if we do IVF but we have agreed not to.  My dear husband is not comfortable with the idea that the child would be half mine, but not any of his!  He prefers that it be all of ours, or none of ours....I can see his point and wholly agree to follow his decisions on this! 

What to do, what to do....Ill just keep on praying and hope that we know soon!

A weekend away was just what the doctor ordered!

Dustin and I went on our annual Memorial Day camping trip last weekend and had a wonderful time!  We had invited a few others from church, along with some friends of ours:  all in all, about 30 people were there over the weekend (though not all at once).  I wont bore you with the details:  Ill just say that stronger friendships were forged and bittersweet reality hit me as well as I realized I've grown over the past few years (and have "outgrown" some of my friends). 

While we were there, we got a text from my brother saying that my Grandpa Kipfer had had a stroke, was lifeflighted to Fort Wayne, and was in ICU.  Dustin and I visited him last night and he seems to be doing well.  He has regained motion in his arm and is working on regaining it in his hand and fingers.  Please keep him in your prayers!

On the infertlity front, we have not made any firm decisions yet.  Dustin and I talked about it agian on Tuesday.  I got a text from him out of the blue Tues morning that said "We can do IVF again."  He later admitted that he had been thinking about it the past few days.  He said he was really struck by how much he wanted kids again while we were camping with others who had kids.  It was our first vacation weve ever taken with children and we were both amazed at how well it went!  We both had so much fun with them and were amazed at how well behaved all 10 of them were! 

Dr Bopp is calling me next Tuesday to do a phone consult (which is nice because I dont have to pay an office visit fee).  We will talk about the options for IVF then.  I did talk to a nurse about it last week and she said they would be changing some of the protocols for my next round.  They would use ICSI for ALL the eggs this time and would also change up the meds I would use beforehand.  One of the biggest changes is that many of the meds would now go to IM injections....and since they are oils, would have to be done in the heiney!  This means Dustin will have to do them for me.  I am going to ask if the thigh is an option though:  he is really FREAKED about having to give me shots.  He says he can give shots to pigs and cows all day but doing it to his wife is just weird!  If we go thru with the IVF, we will be doing it the last few weeks of August (and if its successfull, I will have all next summer off!  Heres hopin' to that!!!)  It seems like it should be an easy decision: financially its WAY cheaper to do IVF!  However, IVF is more time consuming, harder to schedule with work, has a lower success rate....not to mention we have kind of already "bonded" with those 5 embryos!  We can sell them back but it seems kind of wrong!  Im still praying for guidance!

Man plans....God laughs!

I got home from work Saturday and opened my mail.  One of the items was a big bulky package from my insurance company.  I read the accompanying letter, which stated in huge insurance mumbo jumbo words that they were denying my coverage for the embryo adoption.  They cover embryo adoptions, but only in the matter of genetic abnormalities....and my eggs are morphologically abnormal, not genetically.  A play on words,  I suspect!

After numerous phone calls between me, the insurance company, Dr. Bopp (my reproductive endocronoligist, RE) and Dr Adonyia (the embryologist) it has been setteled that my only option is to do IVF again.  The insurance company would not budge.  So.....back to square one!

Can I scream yet?

Chicago

Dustin and I went with his family this past weekend to Chicago for the annual Stieglitz family retreat.  We had a great time with the family, downtown Chicago, and even met up with some friends of Dustins for breakfast Sunday morning before church.

We are going camping next weekend if the sun comes out for a few days.  We go every year Memorial Day weekend.  Its a blast!  A group of our friends are going with us:  it will be a weekend full of fun, food, bike rides, fishing, kayaking, and a fire!  I cant wait!  I just checked the weather and its supposed to be nice next week!

The Embryos are OURS!

Dustin and I finally made it to the office yesterday to officially sign the embryo papers!  They are now officially ours!  Now its just a waiting game for good ol' Mother Nature to appear!  She needs to visit soon...I need to turn in my time frames to work before they do the schedule!  Ill keep you posted!

Embryo Update

Well, Dustin and I got our paperwork in the mail this past week for the embryos.  We need to go to a notary, or the Midwest Fertlitiy office, and sign them with a witness.  Once this is completed, the embryos are finally and officially ours.  We are hoping to complete that this week.  With that step completed, we continue waiting for my cycle to begin.  We are hoping to do the embryo transfer in July.  We originally wanted to do it right away but, as always, my work dictates my life and we are being forced to wait because of my job!  I will keep you updated.

What brings you joy?

I am reading a book all about finding joy in your daily life.  One of the things it encourages the reader to do is to make "joy lists" in a journal.  Well, I'm not much of a journaler.  This blog is about as close as it gets.  So, I thought I would make the lists of things that bring me joy or make me giggle!


Foods (surprise, surprise...the fatty has foods listed first!  :)  )
  Anything mexican...especially if it has guac or avocado, Munchos potato chips:  Light and crispy:  the perfect blend of grease and SALT, Dark Chocolate, Limburger cheese, Coffee, Diet Coke with lime or lemon (I prefer the real fruits though...not the flavoring that is added by the company),  Macaroni and Cheese, Ice Tea
Apparently I love anything that stains your teeth or makes your breath bad!
***Are you wondering where the veggies are?  Ha!


Books:
1. The Bible,  There Are No Children Here, Anything by Nicholas Sparks, Jodi Piccoult, or Lisa Gardner (that covers the genres of Romance, Novels, and Mysteries), Calvin and Hobbes


Music:  My music tastes change with my moods so this list is nowhere near complete; its a list of my faves as of today:   Family Force 5,  Thousand Food Krutch, George Strait (he is always on my joy list, no matter the mood!!) The Zach Brown Band, Kenny Chesney, Selah
*Nice list there:  Hard Core, country, and hymns....I like extremes I suppose


The idea of travel:  The thought of visiting (or revisiting) these places brings me joy.
*England, *France, *Anywhere in Europe, really!!!, * Australia, *Anywhere with mountains, *ALASKA (though when I visit I'm never coming back so it will really be a move, not a visit! )  *New Mexico, *Fiji, * Wyoming, *Montana, *Oregon, *Washington (the state, not the city!), *San Antonio, *Prague, *Ireland
Many more....I have the travel bug!
Can you tell I like wide open spaces and nature?   


Others:
Flowers, spending time with family, Fall leaves, the smells of both the produce dept in a grocery store and of fall, football (especially the Pittsburgh Steelers), bonfires, 4-wheelers, mudding, camping, swimming, margaritas, cold beer, mowing the yard, playing with my little weenie dogs, blue sky's, English Springer Spaniels, working around the yard with my husband, riding bikes


I could go on and on with things that make me happy.....its funny how if we think about it, we can be more than happy and content with the lives we have right here, right now! 


I hope you, like me, take some time today to find joy in the little things!

Hurry Up and Wait!

The whole hurry up and wait concept in fertility treatments is one that drives me bonkers.  Mostly because I am not so good at the "wait" part.  Im just saying....

I went to the Rock and Worship Road Show this weekend and had a blast.  There were 7 bands there:  Sidewalk Prophets, Remedy Drive, Fee, Francesca Battistelli, Mercy Me, David Crowder Band, and Family Force 5.  Those of you who know me, and know my need for the extreme, probably can guess which was my favorite!  I wasn't all that excited about going to the concert but decided to go when all the pieces started to fall into place for me to be there.  I'm really glad I went.  I ended up enjoying it much more than I thought I would.  On top of that, it also gave me that "whoomp" I needed to get over this spiritual hump I seemed to be in.  Do you ever get that way?  What are your fixes for it?

WE HAVE EMBRYOS!

HIP HIP HOORAY!  HIP HIP HOORAY!  HIP HOP HIPPA TO THE HOP....HIP HIP HOORAY!

WE HAVE EMBRYOS!

Last Thursday was officially "good news Thursday!"  We had the trifecta of good news going on in the Donovan house!

1)  They came and set up the pool.  They dug the hole, put the sand down, and put the pool up....all in one day.  It is now full of water and running smoothly!  I couldn't believe that both a bobcat AND a dump truck could fit in my back yard at once, but they can.  I have the pictures to prove it.  I would post them, but Im completely computer illiterate and have no clue how to do so!

2)  While I was sitting here watching the men work and working on my tan (it was 80 some degrees that day!) my phone rang.  I answered it and heard "Amanda, this is Danielle with Dr.Bopps office.  We have good news for you!"  The donors of the embryos are very similar to Dustin and I.  The male was a little shorter than D but has blonde hair, blue eyes like Dustin.  He has a college degree in mechanical engineering and is a small engine pilot in his free time.  The woman is a bit taller than me, a bit skinnier, and has brown hair, brown eyes.  Her college degree is in electrical engineering.  She said in her bio that she has a great singing voice and is very musical.  So.....we are praying for guidance as to if and when should we take these embryos.  There are 5 available but chances are that only 3 will survive the thawing process!  Please keep us in your prayers on this decision.  It seems like its a total GOD thing but we want to be sure. 

3)  After getting off the phone with the embryo coordinator, I thought I better check with Dr Bopps insurance gurus and find out what I would need to do, should we decide to use these embryos.  While I was on the phone with her, I questioned what our balance was for our failed IVF cycle.  I had only recieved one bill from them on it so far, and it arrived on Monday, three days prior to the phone call.  I figured we would be receiving more bills eventually.  The gal on the phone was super nice, and Im sure it made her day to be able to tell me that all events associated with IVF had went to the insurance companies....and all we had left to pay was the $406.00 not covered by insurance!  I paid that right then and there on the phone!  WoW!  God is sure looking out for us, isn't he!?! 

So, that was my Thursday in a nutshell!  I got a pool and a baby (maybe) in one day! 

My grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary surprize party was Friday night and went very well!  My brother, Tyler, and his wife, Janna did a great job with the decorations!  My Mom was out for the evening...it was nice to spend a few hours with my family all together like that.  It doesnt happen often.

Anyway...I'll keep you updated on our embryo situation!  Have a great week, y'all!