Decisions, decisions...

Dustin and I met with Dr. Bopp again yesterday to discuss our next steps and options for future treatments.  This was our followup visit from our IVF attempt.  We have had the appointment for a month and had waited for it expectantly.  We were in the doctors office about 10 minutes when Dustin got called into work and had to leave.  He missed pretty much all the doctor had to say!  I was a little frusterated but, that is life, right?! 

So the Doctor truly believes we should try IVF again.  He said that the issue with my eggs is sometimes caused when eggs are stimulated (as they are for IVF) and is not guaranteed to be present every time.  He feels we should try again, changing a variable or two.  He suggested using an egg or sperm donor, which we are not comfortable with.  He understood that, and continues to feel that doing IVF with all the eggs ICSI'ed (where they inject the sperm into the eggs) should result in some viable embryos. 

We had went into the meeting thinking that I could not have children; that it wasnt even an option.  We went in with the paperwork in hand to get on the embryo donor list.  Then he starts talking odds and success rates and it all goes fuzzy.  The odds of IVF being successfull are 70%.  The odds of a successful FET (donor embryo transfer) are only 30%.  The cost difference is actually pretty minimal.  Only about a thousand dollars difference in cost. 

This is all so confusing.  I laid in bed last night for quite a while just praying for guidance.  It hit me that this is the first time in the our fertility journey where we have to make an actual either/or decision.  In the past 4 years it has always been "Ok so that didnt work.  The next step is this."  Now the decisions are in our hands and it is so much harder!  I personally would like to try IVF one more time.  I feel like once was not enough.  However, Dustin is not so sure about that.  He told me he needs time to think about it all and I completely understand that!  I told him my preferance but also told him I would honor whatever decision he ultimatly made.  In the meantime, we are now on the donor list for embryos thru the clinic.  The good news is that we can pursue both at the same time! 

To be ready for embryo "adoption" we need to each attend counseling sessions with the couselor who works with Midwest Fertility.  The counselor is located in Indy, but allows phone sessions so we do not have to drive there.  I need to call and get those set up today. 

When I talked to the woman who runs the embryo donor program yesterday, she told me she has one set of embryos available at this time.  They are older, and no one has wanted them so far.  So if we want them, they are ours!  The issue is that they have the potential to have cystic fibrosis.  They also have leukemia X2 in their medical history.  The parents were both 5'9 and HEAVY! While I can deal with short, chunky babies (look at me....they are likely to be short and chunky anyhow!) Im not sure about the medical history.  But when she told me that these embryos have been passed up by everyone for a long time, that made me so sad for them!  Is it our job to take these unwanted children?  What would Jesus do?  Is it fair to disregard them because of their potential medical history?  Neither Dustin or I know any of our medical history...our own children could have all of those things, and more, really!

So many decisions.....please pray that we will find some clarity in the situation.  Im praying for peace for the next step!