A Story of Growth
Humor: As I'm sitting in Sunday School this past Sunday, I got to chatting with a woman who was new to the class (and our church). She, of course, asked if I had any children. Those of you who know me know that I really wanted to tell her, "Yes, I had one. But, he/she died and is in Heaven waiting for me. I've since been told that I will never have any other children. However, we DID just finish up the process of becoming foster parents and our looking forward to that adventure." What my ACTUAL answer was: "No...I'm waaaayyy too young for that!" :0) I think she thought I was serious. Whoops!
Irony: Our conversation continued until class started. We took prayer requests and, like always, started with a prayer. During this prayer, my mind was focused on children (I've been praying for our future fosters, where ever they may be) when I felt a chair move next to me and looked up. There, sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, was a woman in our class who just had her baby literally that week! AND, she had her baby with her. MY NOSE WAS ABOUT 5 INCHES FROM ITS BEAUTIFUL HEAD! How do I always seem to end up in situations like this?!?!? How is it that the barren woman seems to always end up surrounded by babies or preggos?
Perspective: I quickly gathered my items, said a goodbye to my new friend, and was out the door before the tears started to fall! The good news is, I was done crying by the time I made it to my truck. That, my friends, is an improvement! From this situation, I am able to know in my heart several things:
1) this beautiful new mother was NOT trying to hurt me when she came in and sat next to me with her lovely child. She does not know my story, and she probably never will.
2) There are many, many, many in this world who will (or have) gone through worse things than me. I'm learning that while sometimes it feels like my heart will break, I really am stronger today than I was yesterday, and I thank the Lord for that. I thank him that my hurts are so minor in comparison to others.
3) Time is the great band-aid.
4) I have friends in the church who notice my pain and are willing to acknowledge it. One lady came up to me last night after choir practice and, after giving me a big hug, said "I saw what happened in Sunday school and I felt so bad for you. I know that must have been hard." Just hearing someone accepting of my feelings like that goes SO FAR towards healing! Thank you!
Humor/Perspective: A few days later, I can write this story with a smile on my face (and a few tears there too, but that's okay) because I now know I get to go to class next week and see that beautiful little baby again. I love babies. Seeing a baby, a pregnant woman, a new mom, a proud father...those things do not bother me when I've had time to mentally prepare. I wonder if God allowed this situation to occur to show me just how far my healing has come (a year ago I would have been a bawling mess for the rest of the day.) God sure has a sense of humor, doesn't he?! Maybe this new mom will someday let me hold her little one....I hope she doesn't mind if I anoint it's head with my tears...some from laughter and some from pain. :)