Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Infertility is (Part II)

Fathers day was hard for me this year.  It never has been in the past.  Maybe it is partly due to all the other stress we have going on in our lives (if you consider job hunts, being homeless, and health concerns stressors).  Then again, maybe it's not.  Who knows?!

I really try not to dwell on the fact that I'm childless most days....but this past Sunday, when the pastor started the sermon out with the "FATHER" speech, I only made it about 5 min into the church service before I had to walk out because I was sobbing.  I sat there, next to my husband, thinking about how he wants to be a father and how I have taken that away from him.  I thought about how holidays, in general, are such lonely days for D and I because neither of us have family who include us in their lives 95% of the time.  Usually I am pretty upbeat and can find the positive (or at least the sarcastically funny) side to any situation but Fathers day kicked my butt this year.  I came home from church, laid in my bed, and cried for hours!  It didn't help that my father didn't want to spend the day with me...or that my husbands family did not include us in their plans for the afternoon.  So....he went fishing...and I stayed home and cried.  and cried.  and cried. 

But, I'm done crying now.  I just wanted to share with you that while sometimes it may SEEM like we have moved on (not that many of you have cared enough to ask how we are doing) there ARE some days when we struggle. 

So, I will be adding Fathers Day to my list of days that I do not go to church.  I think, instead, I will choose to do something fun!  Maybe sky diving (though not likely).  Or a couples massage (maybe a little more likely).  MOST likely though will be a day spent on the boat with my hubby, having our own little celebration that we made it another year, even though, sometimes, it feels like that is impossible.  :)

1 comment:

  1. Sending your family love and prayers! Please know that you are cared about! It hurts to feel alone, especially when you are facing such a difficult and painful trial. May it be a comfort to know that Jesus is ALWAYS there for you. ALWAYS. And that there are many more who do care!