I am officially the Worlds Worst Blogger! I haven't posted on here in MONTHS! Wow! I still keep up with everyones blogs that I read, I just haven't felt like I have anything to say. I mostly use this blog to keep up with my family in Ohio or even my In-laws whom we don't see all that often....but lately I feel like life has been pretty blah...not alot to report in the Donovan house.
This past week I was presented with a delimma:
As an infertile person, I have dealt with a lot of grief and sadness. Many of you can relate, most of my family cannot. Most days I can go thru the motions of the day to day and not really think about it or be bothered by it. However, there is one day of the entire year (other than the day I miscarried my one and only child) that is a GIGANTIC hurdle for me! Mothers Day! What a crock of crap! My hubby and I have an agreement that we ignore Mothers Day. We made a pact to always take that weekend (or Saturday night, as it has turned out that I am the ONLY woman at my work without children and therefore am expected to work so the Mothers can have the weekend off) to go to a hotel and spend time together celebrating our little family....just him and I.
Well, this year, Dustins nephew is getting married on Mothers Day. On the actual Sunday. In a church. Where they will be celebrating all that I am not.
I don't think I can go! I know its selfish, but I really fear Im too raw and broken for that. Im crying while I write this. How can I go when I can't even imagine it without tears? And, maybe it's not right, but I'm mad at my husband for telling me I HAVE to go, that I dont have a choice! What happened to our agreement? When did his wife begin to take second place to his nephew? Where is the loyalty, the understanding? Doesn't he know this will break me all over again?!
What to do, what to do?!